Serious Explaining to Do
by jilytho
Summary: In which Lily finds out that James is an animagus in a different way than either of them could have hoped.


This was it. This was the _end_. There was no recovering from this. Does he honestly think he'll be able to get away with this? And not even tell me? I thought we had moved past all the secrecy and lies but then this. This which is ILLEGAL. it's not even like I'm over reacting or anything I mean this is not legal. I will not date someone in prison. I won't even visit and why wouldn't he just tell me? I could help find a loophole to get the papers to make it legal I mean I'd rather not be forced to cheat the system but I would! I'd do it for him, I'd do almost anything for him if he just communicated! But he doesn't even trust me enough to talk to me about these things.

And it's more than that it's illegal it's that he knows I have trust issues. He knows! And yet he's told me so many times "You can trust me, Lily" and "You're too important to me to lose over a miscommunication," yet where did that bloody get us?  
HE should have just told me. I could have understood or at least talked it out.  
Oh no, I had to find out on my bloody own. It wasn't even like I was being a snoopy girlfriend! I trusted him when he left dinner early with his mates to do "some overdue manly masculine lad time". I GOT THAT. I nodded, told him to have fun, and set him off with a kiss on the cheek because I got the need for lad time. We had barely gotten past the honeymoon stage of our fairly new relationship where we spent all our time together and I wasn't at all offended that he wanted some time with the boys. I wanted girl time!

But girl time meant that I needed Marlene and Grace, who were practically my only friends, to be totally available for chatting and gossiping. And it was a Sunday. That usually meant homework day but this morning I happened to wake up at the ungodly hour of 6:00 AM thanks to the arrival of Wren, my owl, with a parcel from Mum. After finding I was unable to go back to sleep after the rude awakening via my window, I decided to be a good Head Girl and get a jump on my homework. By the time the gals were ready for breakfast-I was done.

They, however, had barely started. Being the absolutely libel and slightly self serving girl I am, I let them copy my homework for any shared class. They were just silly little work sheets anyways. Grace though, still had homework for the one class she didn't share with me, Care of Magical Creatures. The assignment? Discover and observe 3 magical creatures in their natural habitat. Seems easy, right? Probably would've been had Gracie not waited until 7:00 PM Sunday night to trek through the forest and find one. Especially because the animals at the front part of the woods, which were not forbidden or dangerous at all, tend to creep into the depth of the woods after dark. This was why we were stuck creeping through the Forbidden Forest using lumos for a guide through the dark woods to find, describe, and make up the location of a creature. As

As we ventured I figured the quickest way to complete the assignment was to split up, not too far because the forest was scary. Close enough to hear each other scream and get there quickly but far enough to cover decent ground and ample creature opportunity.

As I looked through the foliage of a white oak tree in search of the fire breathing birds that allegedly made their homes here and apparently wouldn't burn me alive as long as I don't poke their stomachs, according to Grace, I noticed another light coming up on a diagonal towards me and the school about 30 yards away. I knew that Grace and Marlene were in the opposite direction so it couldn't have been them. Fearing that it would be a faculty member who would give me detention for being in the woods, I whispered a _nox_ and hoped that the tree had stopped them from seeing me.

I waited with baited breathe as whoever they were came closer. When the light grew to be about 10 yards away I heard a distinct peal of laughter that automatically put me at ease and made my shoulders drop from their tense state. I was about to call out to Sirius, whose booming cackle was still recognizable, when he came close enough for me to see the general outline of who he was with. and I choked on the words.

Sirius romping through the woods did not surprise me, nor was I shocked in the slightest to see Peter giggling along next to him albeit much quieter. What shocked me was the massive deer tat casually strolled in between the two, looking extremely at ease with its current company. After regaining some of my wits and planning out exactly how to approach the situation (hey Black, make a new friend?) I stepped out from behind my cover to expose myself when it happened.  
The massive deer that was there suddenly had two legs and the antlers shrunk back into its head, and suddenly rather than a deer in between the two, there was my boyfriend.  
My jaw was permanently unhinged and I was unable to do anything but watch as they neared closer to my position and overheard their nonsense words of "hurrying back to the shack with the supplies before he gets lonely" and how they couldn't believe how "bloody stupid Wormtail is" and that "he's acting like this isn't the 42nd damn time they've done this and not there bloody first year". The ridiculous words may have made slightly more sense had I even slightly recovered from the shock of a forest animal transforming into her boyfriend. How could he be an animagus? How could he not have told her? That's a pretty major detail to leave out.  
They were ten yards away.  
I closed my mouth.  
Five yards.  
If they were to walk just a little closer they'd see me. I had left the cover of my tree but was too shocked to move back. Four yards. I snapped back in my senses and attempted to go closer to the tree. A twig snapped.  
Three heads shot up.  
Three mouths dropped.  
One aghast "Lily?" was breathed out.  
I turned and ran.

I slammed the dormitory door closed and sank down against it. The entire sprint from the forbidden forest back to the dormitory he yelled out after me.  
"Lily, stop! Just let me explain, damn it! Talk to me Lil!"  
His footsteps thudded behind me. On any other day he would've caught up with me but I had the advantage of the adrenaline coursing through my veins and a slight head start. It wasn't much and he wasn't much more than 8 feet behind me by the time I reached the safety of the girls dormitory steps but it was enough.

I let out a dry sob. I couldn't think about this. How could this be?

My fists clenched as I stood up and began pacing back and forth. I fisted my hands through my red locks as the tears of frustration welled up in my eyes.

"UGH" I huffed out an angry yell just as the door flew open.

Grace and Marley stood in the doorway. The former with skeptically raised eyebrows and the ghost of a laugh on her mouth, the later going for a much more concerned and confused expression as they both stared at me.

"What." I bit out the word at them before I realized the frazzled mess I must have looked like, hands wrapped in messy hair, cheeks almost as red as said hair, and the remnants of tears left in my bright green eyes.

"Calm down, Killer. After you and the beau tore through the woods, with him hollering about and probably alerting everybody where we were, we figured we should see why you thought you should ditch us. Care to explain?" Grace strolled over to her bed and leisurely sat back on it, looking at me inquisitively. No matter how mad I was, I felt uneasy sharing what I saw.

I ignored her queries and jerked my head towards Marlene, "What's in your hand?" The paper was lightly held in her hand the ink still glimmering slightly.

"H-he sort of accosted us in the common room. Lil, he wouldn't tell us what happened but he just looked... Terrified. He practically begged us to give you a note and then made us stand there as he wrote one..you should go talk to him," Marlene stated gently, not moving from her position in the door.

I turned on my heel and stormed to my bed. "I don't want to see him." I threw open the curtains and laid back.

"I don't want to talk about it. I just need to sleep. We'll talk in the morning," I stared up at the ceiling, still fully dressed.

"Alright just, read it okay?" Marlene placed the note down on my bed cautiously, as if I would suddenly lash out at her. I didn't reply as she looked down at me for a moment before leaving me and going to get ready for bed silently. She pulled Grace along with her, who tried to let out a stream of protests at the lack of gossip but was unable to due to Marlene's shushing.

Twenty minutes later my friends pulled their curtains closed and slowly their breathing slowed until it steadied out. Once I was sure of their sleep, I pulled myself up and went to the window seat. The light of the full moon lit up the area and allowed me to slowly open the letter and allow my eyes to glide across it.

 _Lily,_

 _Please I'm not sure what exactly you saw but, I can hazard a good guess based on your reaction. I can't explain in a note Lil, it's not exactly something I can allow prying eyes to see. Just please come down and talk to me. I'll stay in the common room all night just please talk to me this isn't what it seems like. There is a good explanation, I swear it. I wanted to tell you earlier but it's not just me in this, Lily. Remus, Sirius, Peter, all of them. I wanted to tell you in a nicer way. I need to explain Lily please. Just write me back if you can't stand to see me. I need you to understand._

 _Please,_

 _James_

A drop of water blurred some of the words. I hurriedly wiped away the few tears that had fallen down my cheeks and leaned my head against the cool glass of the window. I care too much for James to not allow him to explain himself but I don't know if I can look at him right now. If I reply in writing, I don't know where I would begin... With my anger at him for being deceived? The insult of not believing I could keep his secret had he explained? The overall hurt I felt? All felt prudent to say but I had no way to eloquently put the words in ink...

"Tap-Tap-tap"

I was jolted out of my thought as a light sound bounced off the window. I looked out to see James' owl, named Ronnie. For a brief moment I wondered if it was actually one of his friends in the shape of an owl.. The ridiculous thought was quickly shaken off as I opened the latch to the window as quietly as possible, so as to not wake the girls. Ronnie landed next to me on the cushion and stuck out his leg, which had another small note attached,

 _Lil- it's almost been an hour... Have you read the note? I need to talk to you. please respond. -J_

I opened the latch again and sent Ronnie out with no response letter.

5 minutes later the taps began again.

The note this time read,

 _So you are definitely seeing these. And hopefully reading them but I'm taking the silence to mean you're mad? Maybe just tell me how mad? Like 1-10?_

 _I'm sorry. Please talk to me._

 _J_

I rolled my eyes and briefly considered sending Ronnie back with an 11 written, but decided against it as I thought he deserved a little more time worrying and I deserved more time to think. once again Ronnie left my dorm empty handed.

The notes continued on and off for the next twenty minutes in the same fashion. He writes, I read, I don't reply, and repeat. However, as time went on it grew harder and harder to not run downstairs right there and then to talk to him. I knew that I needed to talk to him, I was just hoping I could put it off until tomorrow but as the notes continued my resolve grew weaker and weaker. After the next note though, I was stuck. It read,

 _L,_

 _You'd be a proud girlfriend if you knew why I did it._

 _I know you and I know you'll understand. Its not that_

 _Its not that I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you. In_

 _fact I trust you more than anybody else which is why I trusted_

 _that you'd understand when I told you. Its just not exactly a_

 _first date kind of topic. Cmon Lil, Come see me._

 _J_

What does that even mean? I want to know what he means and I need to know now. Should I reply? The internal battle raged on as Ronnie sat next to me patiently waiting for my decision. As I debated with myself I heard the beginnings of more taps. How? Ronnie's right next to me, what is he doing? I peered out the window just as a rock flew up and hit me in the face. Well, it would have, had there not been a window between us. Still yet, I jumped back out of shock. The idiot was charming rocks to hit my window. What a prat. I smothered giggles in my hand as I threw open the window and ducked out of the way as another pebble came flying into the dormitory.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing, Potter?" I called down, my hand sticking out the window hoping my roommates wouldn't wake up.

"I'll keep throwing them until you come down," he yelled, having no regard for the sleeping people, before chucking another pebble towards me.

I flew out of the way just in time. He was going to hit me with a pebble. What a jerk.

I threw the window closed and latched it before throwing on my robes over my pajamas and storming downstairs to talk to the bloody prat. This time, I was fueled by anger.

"WHO THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" I yelled upon exiting the school and seeing James.

I stormed towards him, angry words on the tip of my tongue, when he swallowed my protests whole, kissing me roughly and holding me still.

"I think that I'm your boyfriend who is so in love with you," he whispered against my lips, before kissing me once more, this time lightly.

"You have some explaining to do…" I trailed off, the anger that should have been in my voice completely absent.

"And I will. I'll explain everything." James promised, looking into my eyes earnestly. He pulled me with him and we walked towards a tree by the lake, where he explained everything to me, until the sun began to rise over the lake.


End file.
